Sasuke and the Inner Emo
by Potions for Foxes
Summary: In which Sasuke discovers that the internet should not be taken as verbatim and that you should never french kiss with food in your mouth. Warnings: oneshot, slash, mocking of emos but not too harshly, and my strange form of humor.


Just a little ficlet I wrote awhile ago. I think I was inspired by some picture on Elfwood. This is probably the shortest thing I'm ever going to post. But Certain Sexy Palm Trees said that I should put more stuff up since Play With Fire is on hold, due to Certain People Who Don't Understand The Meaning Of DEADline. CHAPTER FOUR??

I really don't like posting short stuff like this. But my upcoming Edvy story is coming along really slowly, because my schedule is evil and not leaving time for writing. I'm taking Physics, Pre-Calc, AP English and History, Spanish with a teacher renound for being horrible. I love my Ceramics course.

I don't own Naruto.

Sasuke and the Inner Emo 

Sasuke stared out the window. He'd just read something on an online site about kissing. How you should never ask for a kiss, just take it. _Well that seems to fit with the Uchiha family code so I guess I'll do,_ he thought to himself. No doubt the writer of that advice was very sage and wise. Never mind he found it on a page owned by [Brit-AW-neeee and that it was in pink with and decorating the page. It was on the Internet, how could it be wrong?

Now all Sasuke had to do was find someone and take a kiss from them, because it was the Uchiha way.

Sasuke reached a problem here.

He didn't want to kiss Sakura, his inner emo found her far too cheery and all together too pink. If only she would angst more.

He didn't want to kiss Gaara, while Gaara did angst, he was far too Goth for Sasuke's inner emo to deal with. That and Sasuke didn't think Gaara liked him very much.

He didn't want to kiss Choji, he was too fat. Granted Sasuke was thin and opposites are suppose attract, it was too…no. Just no.

Sasuke got up and went for a walk. Maybe it would help clear his mind.

Sasuke didn't want to kiss Hinata. She was far too shy. His inner emo was shy as well. And what was that saying Naruto used once (Sakura hadn't liked it one bit), ah yes "Two virgins in a bed is one two many." No doubt Jiraiya had taught it to him. Dirty minded pervert. But he was still very wise (it was said) and there had to be some truth in it.

Never mind the adage involved a bed (Sasuke's inner emo was far to insecure for that type of contemplation), the principles were the same. Hinata had never been kissed and neither had Sasuke ( he pointedly ignored the incident on the first day of school. It didn't count.).

Still if he tried to kiss Hinata there would just be blushing and hand holding and Sasuke's inner emo wanted to be the only blushing one. As you can see Sasuke's inner emo was a jealous and possessive inner emo. Not to mention he wanted to kiss or even make out. Holding hands was so not scene (unless it was after kissing, or during it. But before would just suck.).

Sasuke didn't want to kiss Neji. He was too… weird for the inner emo to handle. And the inner emo wanted to be the only black haired one of two. It's an emo thing. My glasses are thicker and black than yours. Immature, but remember, it's emo.

He didn't want to kiss Kiba. He probably had dog breath. Eww! Said the inner emo. So gross.

Konohamaru was too young.

Shikamaru would say 'it's too troublesome' at the most inopportune moments.

Rock Lee had freaky eyebrows.

Ino, truth be told, Ino scared him and his whiny inner emo.

Who did that leave?

Well it certainly left a lot of teachers. But that would be gross. Really gross.

Sasuke realized his list included more guys than girls. That meant nothing.

Sasuke consulted his inner emo, who was wearing eye-shadow, eye-liner, mascara, lip-gloss, and girl pants.

And the mascara was applied better than Sakura's.

Five seconds later, Sasuke decided that he was gay. Very gay. Very, very gay. How dare the inner emo tell him he was gay, and uke to boot. Then he just had to go and mention the fact that _most _emo guys were uke. And if you ever saw too emo guys kissing it was an illusion. You see the dominant ones were really super uke Goths, who got tired of being uke all the time but were too uke to stand up to the seme Goth boys. So they kissed the emo boys instead.

And the emo had also said that uke was in his name.

It wasn't fair.

Sasuke killed the inner emo.

Then he saw the one person he hadn't thought of. He was sitting at that one ramen stand wearing orange. His hair was yellow and, and Sasuke didn't mind the thought of kissing Naruto. Fair better than Kakashi. If Sasuke hadn't killed his inner emo he would've realized Naruto was far too bright. And orange. But still either this or Kakashi.

Sasuke sat down next to Naruto and as soon as Naruto turned around Sasuke kissed him. French kissed him.

And got a mouth full of Naruto spit and ramen.

Moral(s) of the Story 

Don't listen to those online things

Inner Emos are bad but don't kill them, instead form an Inner Super Uke Goth to keep them occupied.

Never French kiss with food in your mouth


End file.
